I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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