She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
