I molested 6 butterflies tonight
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
