that's an acceptable place to lick
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
