and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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