brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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