omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
