we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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