Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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