I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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