apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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