Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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