Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
