good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
