that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
