What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize