i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
