also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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