dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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