cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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