ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
