is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
