a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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