Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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