Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize