What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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