How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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