The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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