your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
