last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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