I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
