Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
