I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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