I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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