her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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