your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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