Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
