I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize