just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
