how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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