I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
