so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
