I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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