I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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