Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
