I'm jealous of your bromance
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
