I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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