man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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