There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
