I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
