he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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