I'm sorry my penis didn't work
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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