Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
