every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
