I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
