So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
