What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I understand Curling. That high.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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