oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
