It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
