So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
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Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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