Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
sarcasm needs its own font
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
